Terrible two’s.

Being a parent is all about what you can teach your child but also what you can learn from your child. Hattie has taught me many things, in someway, Hattie has taught me far more than I could ever teach her. She has taught me how it is possible to love something this much, this love is unimaginable and damn right scary but it came to me so easy and so fast.

I have taught Hattie how to walk, talk, her manners, how to be kind, her ABC’s, how to count to 10 and many other things but what she has taught me is far greater. She has had phases throughout her two and a half years that have tested me and made me feel like I am not good enough to be her mother.

When Hattie turned one she decided that she didn’t want to try new foods anymore and that she didn’t really want to eat at all and to be honest, it scared the life out of me but after seeing her health visitor, getting her weighed more often than usual I realised that its a normal thing to happen. Most children go through this phase and even if one day they don’t want to eat at all then no matter how much it worries you, you cant make a big deal out of it. You just have to carry on like normal and more times than not, they will get their appetite back and they will once again eat you out of house and home. A year and a half later and Hattie still wont try new foods and does go back and forth with eating ridiculous amounts and then eating absolutely nothing at all but that’s ok because she is still putting on weight and is still happy and healthy.

This last week and half has been the hardest I have experienced since becoming a mam. I have had to fight with Hattie about everything.

I’ve had to fight her to eat, to get dressed, to brush her teeth, to do anything that she doesn’t want to do. I never knew you could argue with a toddler until last week and now we argue at least twice a day. She has gone from the easiest child in the world to an absolute devil. She also likes hitting and punching when she has a tantrum, not just to me but to herself. So I can’t even ignore her when she’s kicking off about absolutely nothing because she will attack herself!!

She’s gobby and wiser than her years so everything is hard work right about now. I feel physically exhausted every single day and to make things worse, she isn’t well so she’s naturally touchy about everything. 8 times out of 10 she’s perfect but she does make up for it with her ridiculous tantrums she has, I have never heard anyone scream like she does.

Also time out doesn’t work on my child because when she is upset she will take herself away from the situation and leave the room to be by herself so time out to her isn’t punishment, its ideal.

This whole blog post is about how right now, I am mentally and physically struggling and its all thanks to the “terrible two’s.” (And her red hair of course) so thank you Terrible two’s, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for making my life hard work with the stroppiness and the bossiness.

Oh and thank you for knocking my diet on the head because Hattie’s attitude lately has made me stress eat.

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Everything I hope for you.

I hope as you grow from a little girl to a beautiful woman that you don’t lose that sparkle in your eye. The sparkle you get when you see something new for the first time and curiosity just takes over your whole being and you have to investigate. I hope you’ll forever keep it.

I hope you still want to sit with me on the sofa, watching your favourite films, eating your favourite food. I will always hope that no matter how big you get, you’ll still think of me as this amazing person that you do now. I hope I am not the whole of your world but that I am a big enough part of it that you still want to involve me in, not only the big things that happen to you but even the small.

I hope I will bring you up to not be opinionated or rude but to be able to stand your ground and not get pushed around. I hope the stubbornness you’ve got nailed now will forever stay with you. I hope that you’ll keep that fire inside your stomach and that it’ll drive your determination to do anything.

I hope that you aren’t terrified of experiencing the world but you are careful and smart. I want more than anything for you to do everything you will ever wish to do but I also hope you remember that life and this big world can be dangerous and you should always listen to that voice inside your head. I hope that voice inside your head will always be me, guiding you and keeping you safe no matter where myself or you are.

I hope you will always know right from wrong. I hope that you will always be as kind and selfless as you are now and that you’ll always give people all that love inside your heart but I also hope that you receive the love you will give so freely. I hope you will know what you deserve and if someone isn’t giving it to you then I hope you’ll be big enough and brave enough to demand it or walk away. You’re the most loving little girl I know and you deserve all the love in the world. Remember that!

I hope that no one will dull your personality, I hope that you will still sing whenever you want to and I hope the funny, weird and wacky little girl you are now will always stay with you. Never let anyone change you. Never go about your life trying to be someone else just to please people around you, be your wonderful self and everyone who’s worthy of you will love you for it. Your personality will never be boring, the words you speak will never be boring as long as you live your life and speak your words with confidence.

I hope you will still stand there when you’re older and say “my name is Hattie O’Brien – Chan” with the same proudness you do now because there will only ever be one of you and take it from me, you’re the best person that has graced this world. You’ve made many peoples lives a better one just by being you.

 

 

Poorly Hattie, tired mammy

So lets face it, after having three sleepless nights, a grizzly baby, trips to the doctors and sick in my hair and Hattie’s hair, I think I can officially say parenting is bloody hard and sometimes complete bullshit!

There is absolutely nothing worse or more worrying than your child being unwell. Hattie has had her second viral infection in the last month and this time it has completely knocked her socks off. She’s struggling keeping her temperature down, she’s not eating, she’s lethargic, she’s having coughing fits which results to vomit absolutely everywhere (and I mean EVERYWHERE!!)

I was stood by the sick little less than half hour ago washing excess sick off Hattie’s bed sheets, pillow, pyjamas then putting them on a boil wash, then cleaning the sick off the carpet and bathroom floor and then literally spraying the shit out of a Febreze can to try and stop the smell of sick taking over the house.

Luckily though Hattie woke up, threw up everywhere, had a little cry and is now comfortably sleeping right next to me in bed, whereas I on the other hand is sat in bed, wide awake with fear in case Hattie is sick again and chokes on it – this is exactly what goes through every mothers mind!! The big light is on and I am not going to sleep until I know for a fact that Hattie is safe and well out of the “spewing everywhere” phase.

I mean who said parenthood wasn’t glamorous? Because I may be buzzing of sick with greasy and sick infested hair and black circles around my eyes but I am pretty much owning it!

 

Something for myself –

For the past two years I’ve only been a mum. I know it sounds so bad – ‘only been a mum’ but I have and I have loved every minute of it but one thing my life has lacked and one thing I promised myself on New Years was that I would find something to do for myself. May it be a hobby, a course of some kind or even bloody bingo on a Tuesday night. Whatever it is, I promised myself I would find it and I would do it.

Although I have been wanting to attend bingo with some friends for a while now, (I am 22 not 82, believe me.) I haven’t had the chance but I have found something that I absolutely love and its something for myself. I have officially started a night course in my local college. Its every Monday for a couple of hours where I am out of the house, learning something new and interacting with new people.

I am studying Theatrical and Media Makeup and I am loving it! I feel like this is something I want to learn more of, something I want to wrap myself around, something I want to do well in. I’ve only been to three classes at the moment and I’ve only learnt bruising and scars but it is incredible. I find myself searching tutorials online, watching horrors just to see the makeup and wanting to go somewhere with this.

I will always be a mum first and foremost. Nothing will come close to my darling Hattie but I am still 22, I still want to learn new things and experience life. I am so thankful for my life that I don’t want to miss out on anything! I want to wake up and take in every beautiful thing, I want to breathe in life, I want to live!

I am going to make a career doing something I love and I honestly hope this is it! I hope I get to make a living out of this. I have so many plans on what I want to do after this course that I am so excited.

I know that no matter what happens, Hattie is going to grow up incredibly proud of me, I am her mother, I am incredibly proud of my mother in whatever she does but I do want Hattie to know that I am doing something I love and that no matter happens in her life, she can too.

Good people bring up even better children. I want Hattie to grow up loving the life she lives and if she doesn’t love it, I want her to be brave enough to change whatever she needs to change.

My  daughter is my life so I am going to make damn sure her life will always be brilliant.

Holiday shopping.

There are good and bad sides to going on holiday at the end of September and they are that your tan will last a little longer through Autumn and sometimes even Winter, summer clothes are always on sale which is perfect for holiday shopping and that when everyone is feeling depressed about being home in rainy old Wales, you’re still counting down the days to your blissful 10 days in the sunshine. Which will consist of drinking cocktails, eating whatever you want and spending time as a family, playing and just enjoying each others company instead of pissing each other off with the day to day mundane moanings of life.

The bad side is that even though all of your usual shops are still very much packed with sale summer clothes, your daughters shops aren’t. So here I am, on a Wednesday night, panicking and searching for any type of summer clothes online that are your daughters size, not too thick for the Tenerife sun and are a little dressy. There are plenty of shorts and tshirts left but do you think I can find summer dresses and little jumpsuits?! No, of course not!

Nothing is ever as simple as it used to be before I had a child but I think that’s more to do with me than it is with Hattie. I mean what is so good with being organised? Because I’m 22 and Hattie is nearly 2 and I still cant get my head around not doing everything last minute. Last minute mother right here!

2nd of August – Hattie’s two year check

I’ve been thinking for a while that I’ve needed to touch base a little and give my blog some much needed TLC but I have been so busy and so bloody stressed that I haven’t been able to just sit down and write but seeing as yesterday was such an amazing and monumental day in my life I thought that I’d make time and just document what happened in Hattie’s two year check.

Hattie has always been very forward in her little ways, the day she was born she was trying to lift her head and have a little nose around and she was walking by nine months, so I have had no concerns or worries about the way Hattie was growing or her behaviour.

The health visitor came and what should of been a 30 minute session only took 15 minutes. She couldn’t get over how forward Hattie was. Hattie built blocks, did a jigsaw puzzle, recognised which colours went where and named a few which left the health visitor in a little daze of how brilliant Hattie is! Hattie recognised the big and little spoon, pointed out the eyes, nose, mouth and tail on the cat and could say which little boy had shoes on and which didn’t. I was giggling so much because if I didn’t laugh, I was going to cry my eyes out. I am always proud of Hattie but seeing her do everything she was meant to with such ease made me feel like I am actually doing something right.

The health visitor then asked a few questions and wrote in her notes but before she left she asked me if Hattie is in nursery which I replied with a no. The health visitor was so shocked because she said she only sees children that advanced when they’ve been in a nursery from a young age.

The health visitor not only sung Hattie’s praises but also my own. She said that I was doing an amazing job and that everything I am doing with Hattie is spot on and that Hattie being so forward is all down to me and how I interact with her and play with her.

Some times all you need is a professional to say you’re doing a good job for all the silly little worries to disappear. I am a bloody good mother and yesterday, Hattie proved it!

So it looks like I am doing a great job… Next step, potty training!

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Wish us luck!!!!

Body shaming idiots..

I am absolutely sick to death of seeing people body shame others all over social media. It angers me so much that what others look like can upset certain people to the point that they either have to write about it on social media or they just sit there chatting shit about this random ‘fat’ woman they work with. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Since the weather has become somewhat warm and sunny in good old Wales, all I’ve seen is people making it their duty to tell everyone that ‘they should dress for their body and not for the weather’ – are you kidding me?! its 30 bloody degrees, walk around naked for all I care. As long as you feel cool and are happy in what you’re wearing then why should some idiot stop you from wearing a certain pair of shorts or a bloody dress.

And while I’m talking about it (or should I say ranting) why do you body shaming idiots think its ok to make someone feel uncomfortable in their own skin? So what if they weigh more than you do, you are in no way superior to them, in fact, you’re so below them that they shouldn’t even worry about the shit you spout from that horrible mouth of yours!

Since having my daughter all I have heard is about my weight. For some reason people assume because I’ve had a baby that everyone can comment on my weight and how I look. So what that my daughter is nearly two and I am still not down to the size I was before I was pregnant, so what that I have been on about 10 diets and failed every time since having her – how does any of that affect your life?

“You’re on a diet again? try and stick to it this time.”

“Well I’ll be able to do that if that fat woman can.”

“I’m off to fat club tonight – should be a laugh.”

“You shouldn’t be eating that if you want to get thin.”

I hear and see these comments everyday but it still doesn’t make it right! Stop body shaming others you wankers and concentrate on your own little life. I am still not in the size I was before having Hattie and that’s okay because you know what? I may have rolls, a flabby stomach, my legs may jiggle when I walk and my legs may be covered in stretch marks but my body did something amazing. It made my perfect little girl, it went through nine months of stretching and then so many agonising hours of labour and it gave me my best friend, my baby! So the time when I should be in love with my body, I’m not. I am so disconnected to it because of all those stupid comments. I should be loving all my rolls and jiggly bits but I am not, I am instead trying to cover them up and hide them. From now on though, fuck it! I may not have the perfect body but what I do have is the perfect daughter and my body created her and made her the perfect little girl she is today!

Everyone should love themselves enough to not need to put others down – if we all took some time to look at ourselves in the mirror, we’d all find something we hate and wouldn’t want pointing out so don’t do it to other people! There’s enough hate in the world, so don’t add anymore to it.