I haven’t wrote on my blog for about a month now and believe me, it hasn’t been because I’ve been SO busy with my fantastic social life, its been because I’ve honestly felt like I’ve got nothing worth writing about. For the first time in my life, I, Amber O’Brien has honestly nothing to say.
I feel like I’ve lost my confidence, lost my ‘mojo.’
And being quite honest with you all, I feel like right now, I’ve also lost myself.
I am sat here, in the dark listening to my 18 month old snore away and I feel like I’ve lost who I was and I’m not on about the person I was before I had Hattie, I mean the person I was not only a measly few months ago. Is that normal?
The only way I can describe this dramatic feeling of being lost is that I’ve grown all of a sudden, I have shed my old life like a lizard sheds his skin but I am yet to find what the new me likes, dislikes or what is actually interesting or quirky enough about myself to keep people reading my blog. My only true way to vent and brag about my wonderful life.
The only thing I do know with great confidence is that I am a damn good mum. I have the absolute amazing daughter who is my little shadow. I couldn’t live without my mini ray of sunshine. I think that’s why I have somehow lost myself. I am too busy being ‘mammy’ that I’ve actually forgot how to be Amber.
Please tell me I am not the only one who goes through this type of thing?!
You see all these other mums that have friends with babies, that makes muffins and their child is sleeping by 7pm, eats every meal without having to be tempted by Peppa pig on the IPhone and you think to yourself, damn, I’m lucky if my daughter isn’t running around butt naked at midday and is in bed before 10pm. I mean, what is free time anyways? They just portray that they have all their shit sorted. They know what they’re doing with their lives and they are forever being productive.
I feel like my free time is in front of me and I’m running my arse off to get it and every time I nearly grab it, I get jolted back suddenly and poof, its gone.
What is a mum to do?!