Terrible two’s.

Being a parent is all about what you can teach your child but also what you can learn from your child. Hattie has taught me many things, in someway, Hattie has taught me far more than I could ever teach her. She has taught me how it is possible to love something this much, this love is unimaginable and damn right scary but it came to me so easy and so fast.

I have taught Hattie how to walk, talk, her manners, how to be kind, her ABC’s, how to count to 10 and many other things but what she has taught me is far greater. She has had phases throughout her two and a half years that have tested me and made me feel like I am not good enough to be her mother.

When Hattie turned one she decided that she didn’t want to try new foods anymore and that she didn’t really want to eat at all and to be honest, it scared the life out of me but after seeing her health visitor, getting her weighed more often than usual I realised that its a normal thing to happen. Most children go through this phase and even if one day they don’t want to eat at all then no matter how much it worries you, you cant make a big deal out of it. You just have to carry on like normal and more times than not, they will get their appetite back and they will once again eat you out of house and home. A year and a half later and Hattie still wont try new foods and does go back and forth with eating ridiculous amounts and then eating absolutely nothing at all but that’s ok because she is still putting on weight and is still happy and healthy.

This last week and half has been the hardest I have experienced since becoming a mam. I have had to fight with Hattie about everything.

I’ve had to fight her to eat, to get dressed, to brush her teeth, to do anything that she doesn’t want to do. I never knew you could argue with a toddler until last week and now we argue at least twice a day. She has gone from the easiest child in the world to an absolute devil. She also likes hitting and punching when she has a tantrum, not just to me but to herself. So I can’t even ignore her when she’s kicking off about absolutely nothing because she will attack herself!!

She’s gobby and wiser than her years so everything is hard work right about now. I feel physically exhausted every single day and to make things worse, she isn’t well so she’s naturally touchy about everything. 8 times out of 10 she’s perfect but she does make up for it with her ridiculous tantrums she has, I have never heard anyone scream like she does.

Also time out doesn’t work on my child because when she is upset she will take herself away from the situation and leave the room to be by herself so time out to her isn’t punishment, its ideal.

This whole blog post is about how right now, I am mentally and physically struggling and its all thanks to the “terrible two’s.” (And her red hair of course) so thank you Terrible two’s, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for making my life hard work with the stroppiness and the bossiness.

Oh and thank you for knocking my diet on the head because Hattie’s attitude lately has made me stress eat.

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Something for myself –

For the past two years I’ve only been a mum. I know it sounds so bad – ‘only been a mum’ but I have and I have loved every minute of it but one thing my life has lacked and one thing I promised myself on New Years was that I would find something to do for myself. May it be a hobby, a course of some kind or even bloody bingo on a Tuesday night. Whatever it is, I promised myself I would find it and I would do it.

Although I have been wanting to attend bingo with some friends for a while now, (I am 22 not 82, believe me.) I haven’t had the chance but I have found something that I absolutely love and its something for myself. I have officially started a night course in my local college. Its every Monday for a couple of hours where I am out of the house, learning something new and interacting with new people.

I am studying Theatrical and Media Makeup and I am loving it! I feel like this is something I want to learn more of, something I want to wrap myself around, something I want to do well in. I’ve only been to three classes at the moment and I’ve only learnt bruising and scars but it is incredible. I find myself searching tutorials online, watching horrors just to see the makeup and wanting to go somewhere with this.

I will always be a mum first and foremost. Nothing will come close to my darling Hattie but I am still 22, I still want to learn new things and experience life. I am so thankful for my life that I don’t want to miss out on anything! I want to wake up and take in every beautiful thing, I want to breathe in life, I want to live!

I am going to make a career doing something I love and I honestly hope this is it! I hope I get to make a living out of this. I have so many plans on what I want to do after this course that I am so excited.

I know that no matter what happens, Hattie is going to grow up incredibly proud of me, I am her mother, I am incredibly proud of my mother in whatever she does but I do want Hattie to know that I am doing something I love and that no matter happens in her life, she can too.

Good people bring up even better children. I want Hattie to grow up loving the life she lives and if she doesn’t love it, I want her to be brave enough to change whatever she needs to change.

My  daughter is my life so I am going to make damn sure her life will always be brilliant.

10 reasons your big sister will always be your best friend:

  1. Friends will always come and go out of your life but no one will ever truly stand by your decisions and mistakes like your sister. Taking back a cheating boyfriend – she may not agree with it but damn, she won’t stop talking to you because of it.
  2. No one will ever understand you or your life like her. You annoy the hell out of her by the constant questions and the stealing of essays. Believe me, you think sitting your GCSE’s were hard, imagine being her, she had to sit them twice – once when she was in year 10 and then the second time when you were in year 10. She knows you and your life better than she knows her own.
  3. She is your mother and father all rolled into one – she has your fathers wisdom and your mothers comforting hug but the best bit is, you can tell her everything, including the things that would probably get you into trouble if you were to tell your parents.
  4. She’s the first born which automatically makes her the experiment, so anything you’re going through, you can bet that she’s been through too. Although you have definitely gotten away with a lot more than her, not only because she was the tester child when it came to boundaries but also because you have her fighting your corner and arguing with your parents when you’ve already stormed off upstairs.
  5. She’ll always let you borrow anything out of her wardrobe because you can bet that while you’re rummaging through hers, she’s doing the exact same to yours. Also she’ll always forgive you when you give her back her clothes with stains on them or completely broke. Like when you wore her leather jacket to school and ripped it on a chair (sorry about that!). She won’t even get that mad because she loves you.
  6. You will never truly feel as comfortable around your friends like you do with your sister. You have no boundaries around your sister like you do with friends. I mean, what is personal space when it comes to sisterly love? Fancy a chat whilst one is in the shower? Go for it! You unlock that door and sit on the toilet and tell your sister all about your day.
  7. She is the one person who will always give you her last. The top you both love, of course she says it’ll look better on you than her, she’ll even sometimes buy it for you. She will always put you first, even if you don’t realise it.
  8. She has been with you through every step of your journey, even before you can remember. She has slapped kids in the street for picking on you, she has protected you from more things than you’ll ever know and she’s given you the best memories and the worst arguments. She even went to school a week after having her tonsils out, when she could barely eat because it was your first day in the comprehensive school.
  9. She will always be your cheerleader and she will always fight your corner. Whatever you do in your life, she is the one person who will always be proud of you. She will always make sure you know that she loves you and that she’d follow you to the ends of the earth to make sure you’re okay.
  10. She is your second mother and although that can sometimes be a right pain in the arse, you know that she will always love you unconditionally. She’d never hurt you and she’ll will personally try her hardest to make sure that you’re happy and safe in everything that you do.

Jasmine, I love you. For everything you do for me and for being my best friend. With you by my side, I know I can get through whatever life throws at me, with a grin on my face and a laugh that’s about to erupt. You’re the funniest person I know and I may not say it often enough but I wouldn’t be the person I am today, the mother I am today, if it wasn’t for you. Thank you for being the best big sister I could ever wish for.

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