10 things I’ve learnt since becoming a mother.

  1. Expect the unexpected. Not much goes to plan, but that soon becomes the only plan you know.
  2. Get used to being late for almost everything, even school sometimes. My child hates Monday mornings nearly as much as me.
  3. You will never be happier to see poo down the toilet until your child goes after gallons of lactulose and 3 days of struggling.
  4. Watch what you say around them, they’re sponges, they soak up everything but will only tell people the bad things you’ve said. This one time in Debenhams whilst looking at eyebrow products, a Benefit assistant approached me and asked if she could help. She had very dark, large defined eyebrows to be polite. When later discussing my shopping trip with my mother, I said, the lady asked me what eyebrows I wanted and I almost replied “not like fucking yours.” Hattie then came into the room and said “yeah not like fucking yours” (finger point and all.)
  5. No one will ever look at you with love quite like your child does. The best kind of love there is. A look that can save you on your worst days.
  6. Get used to crying over everything they do. I still remember her singing a nursery rhyme all by herself for the first time. Her ballet Christmas performance broke my whole heart into a million pieces. Even her begging me with praying hands for sweets. I have never felt such pride in my whole life.
  7. They are your best friends, always. No need for much explanation. She just knows when I need that cwtch (Welsh for hug), she knows when I need that kiss or when I need her to dance to make me laugh. She just knows me as much as I know her.
  8. Anything you own, they want. From your new Mac lipstick you dream of wearing out on your child free night to your fishcake from the chip shop. You got it, they want it.
  9. They will always make you a better person. In every way. Hattie has made me kinder, she has made me want more out of life, she has made me love harder than ever before. She has taught me what’s important and what isn’t. This all gets thrown out of the window when she says “my friend in school doesn’t let me play with them” and you just suspect they’re getting picked on, you will turn into someone you never knew you could turn into. Someone you never knew existed.
  10. You will never feel love like you do for your child. Earth shaking, heart torn apart kind of love. A love that will go on forever and is unbreakable through all life’s challenges. A love that is different to any love that came before.



Poorly Hattie, tired mammy

So lets face it, after having three sleepless nights, a grizzly baby, trips to the doctors and sick in my hair and Hattie’s hair, I think I can officially say parenting is bloody hard and sometimes complete bullshit!

There is absolutely nothing worse or more worrying than your child being unwell. Hattie has had her second viral infection in the last month and this time it has completely knocked her socks off. She’s struggling keeping her temperature down, she’s not eating, she’s lethargic, she’s having coughing fits which results to vomit absolutely everywhere (and I mean EVERYWHERE!!)

I was stood by the sick little less than half hour ago washing excess sick off Hattie’s bed sheets, pillow, pyjamas then putting them on a boil wash, then cleaning the sick off the carpet and bathroom floor and then literally spraying the shit out of a Febreze can to try and stop the smell of sick taking over the house.

Luckily though Hattie woke up, threw up everywhere, had a little cry and is now comfortably sleeping right next to me in bed, whereas I on the other hand is sat in bed, wide awake with fear in case Hattie is sick again and chokes on it – this is exactly what goes through every mothers mind!! The big light is on and I am not going to sleep until I know for a fact that Hattie is safe and well out of the “spewing everywhere” phase.

I mean who said parenthood wasn’t glamorous? Because I may be buzzing of sick with greasy and sick infested hair and black circles around my eyes but I am pretty much owning it!


10 reasons your big sister will always be your best friend:

  1. Friends will always come and go out of your life but no one will ever truly stand by your decisions and mistakes like your sister. Taking back a cheating boyfriend – she may not agree with it but damn, she won’t stop talking to you because of it.
  2. No one will ever understand you or your life like her. You annoy the hell out of her by the constant questions and the stealing of essays. Believe me, you think sitting your GCSE’s were hard, imagine being her, she had to sit them twice – once when she was in year 10 and then the second time when you were in year 10. She knows you and your life better than she knows her own.
  3. She is your mother and father all rolled into one – she has your fathers wisdom and your mothers comforting hug but the best bit is, you can tell her everything, including the things that would probably get you into trouble if you were to tell your parents.
  4. She’s the first born which automatically makes her the experiment, so anything you’re going through, you can bet that she’s been through too. Although you have definitely gotten away with a lot more than her, not only because she was the tester child when it came to boundaries but also because you have her fighting your corner and arguing with your parents when you’ve already stormed off upstairs.
  5. She’ll always let you borrow anything out of her wardrobe because you can bet that while you’re rummaging through hers, she’s doing the exact same to yours. Also she’ll always forgive you when you give her back her clothes with stains on them or completely broke. Like when you wore her leather jacket to school and ripped it on a chair (sorry about that!). She won’t even get that mad because she loves you.
  6. You will never truly feel as comfortable around your friends like you do with your sister. You have no boundaries around your sister like you do with friends. I mean, what is personal space when it comes to sisterly love? Fancy a chat whilst one is in the shower? Go for it! You unlock that door and sit on the toilet and tell your sister all about your day.
  7. She is the one person who will always give you her last. The top you both love, of course she says it’ll look better on you than her, she’ll even sometimes buy it for you. She will always put you first, even if you don’t realise it.
  8. She has been with you through every step of your journey, even before you can remember. She has slapped kids in the street for picking on you, she has protected you from more things than you’ll ever know and she’s given you the best memories and the worst arguments. She even went to school a week after having her tonsils out, when she could barely eat because it was your first day in the comprehensive school.
  9. She will always be your cheerleader and she will always fight your corner. Whatever you do in your life, she is the one person who will always be proud of you. She will always make sure you know that she loves you and that she’d follow you to the ends of the earth to make sure you’re okay.
  10. She is your second mother and although that can sometimes be a right pain in the arse, you know that she will always love you unconditionally. She’d never hurt you and she’ll will personally try her hardest to make sure that you’re happy and safe in everything that you do.

Jasmine, I love you. For everything you do for me and for being my best friend. With you by my side, I know I can get through whatever life throws at me, with a grin on my face and a laugh that’s about to erupt. You’re the funniest person I know and I may not say it often enough but I wouldn’t be the person I am today, the mother I am today, if it wasn’t for you. Thank you for being the best big sister I could ever wish for.


The good, the bad, the ugly..

No one really tells you, the newly pregnant woman with the great glow, anything about what its truly like to have a little human enter your life and turn it completely upside down. Don’t get me wrong, EVERYONE loves telling you about how much pain they were in during labour, how long their labour lasted and how many stitches they needed to receive after their little one came into the world without forgetting one little detail but no one ever really gets to the nitty gritty of being a mother or father.

As naïve as it sounds, I honestly thought that my life wouldn’t really change that much. I just thought that I’d have the same lifestyle, same free time and same old routine as I had when I was any other 20 year old but with the added bonus of having a mini me. And then after 3 days of slow labour and 8+ hours of active labour, there she was. And she wasn’t even my mini me, she was her fathers! My life has most definitely never been the same since. I have never been this happy, this stressed, this worried and sometimes, so mentally and physically drained in all my life.

Some days are harder than others. Some days you’ll need to call for some backup and as soon as they come, you just need to leg it up the stairs to hide under the duvet for a few minutes and then other days are the best days of your life. Many days you’ll need to lower the bar of what you think is doing a good job. Maybe you doing a good job is only saying ‘fuck’ in your head around twenty times instead of a hundred or that you actually managed to get yourself and your child dressed before 12pm and other times it can be that you’ve actually managed to go to the park and clean the house with only having to watch one hour of Peppa Pig that day.

Hattie may read this back and think ‘damn, you took my first few years for granted’ and many of you may be reading this and thinking exactly the same but believe me when I say that I have not taken any of this amazing adventure for granted. I have loved every single day even if some days I do end up in tears and in need of a massive alcoholic beverage. The amazing thing about children is one minute their having a tantrum because you’ve tried to stop them from eating some old food they somehow found from under the sofa or because you told them not to stick their finger in the plug socket but then in the next instance they are cuddling you and kissing you and running around shouting mama with the proudest of looks on their face. They’re incredibly unpredictable and sometimes that’s a haunting thing and other times, its the most amazing thing.

What really needs to be said about having children is that some days you do end up reminiscing about the past more than other days and some nights when you’re begging your child to go back to sleep that having a little cry from being overtired is all bloody normal.

Everything you’re more than likely doing is all bloody normal. Your emotions are to hell. You have someone who you love more than you could ever imagine but sometimes they can push you so far that you do need to hold your hands up, admit that its hard to do it all on your own, have some help and take a good damn rest.

Mothers may be the new modern day superhero but come on, don’t even superhero’s need days off?

A letter to…

To the mum who’s leaving your two year old child have a tantrum in the supermarket while you carry on shopping, I applaud you. You’re wonder woman! I know what ‘huffs’ and rolling eyes can make you feel insecure in your parenting skills. I know that snide remarks can make you feel worthless and useless. You’re doing a great job!

To the mum who’s dancing and singing in the park with your children, I applaud you. You know exactly what matters in the world and who matters. You know that your children’s smiles make your world rotate that little bit easier and the comments and laughter of passers-by are not importing in your or your children’s lives. You’re showing your children how to act throughout their lives and that’s a great thing!

To the young mum breastfeeding in the café without a care in the world, I applaud you. Too many people care about the stigma of breastfeeding and everyday when you breastfeed your darling in public, you’re helping other mothers get the courage. You’re a wonderful woman who is only providing a lovely meal for their young. You’re proving every look and every snotty person wrong when you sit there breastfeeding.

Now to all the others who are spending their days judging mothers and their actions. You’ve either never had children or don’t remember having young children but its hard work. Yes, maybe the quiet carriage of the train isn’t so quiet as the 6 month old baby who is teething has just woken and is in agony but please don’t sigh loudly, give looks and make comments to the mum who’s been dealing with this all day and probably all night. Yes you’re tired from work but you get to go home, have a bath, a hot meal and sleep all night but the mother looking back at you probably isn’t so lucky, She’ll be comforting a crying baby most of the night and when the baby finally goes to sleep, that’s when she’s cleaning the house, having some food and finally getting some sleep herself.

Parenting is hard and its made even harder with others judging. You never feel like you’re doing the right thing, you’ve had no previous training and really, you’re just winging it! But take it from me, who’s a first time mum with a new mind set – Fuck them! It makes being a mum that much easier.



Hattie will be 16 months old this month so her tantrums have only just begun and already I can feel myself dreading the horrendous tantrums that are on their way.

Right now, she’ll scream and cry over absolutely everything! But all of the tantrums start with a simple two letter word that sends my good girl into a red ball of fury and that word is the dreaded “NO!”

Its her worst word to hear but recently her favourite to say. She replies to anything with a no and then a shrug of her shoulders. My girl has far too much sass for her own good. She’s got the funniest attitude and the worst patience so of course she has about 30 plus tantrums daily with that mix of personality. Its safe to say she always keeps me on my toes.

I started off by showing her attention while she had a tantrum, trying to calm her and help her through it but now, as it happens daily, I leave her have a little cry and scream and then when she’s calmed down I’ll ask for a kiss and off she pops, happy as Larry pushing new boundaries that I will once again have to tell her that’s wrong.

Today she had the biggest tantrum yet. I was the worst mum by making sure her little booty is covered by the dreaded nappy. She screamed, pulled my hair all the while I was struggling with this bloody nappy! Once it was on, she sat on the floor, sobbing, trying to pull her nappy off and when she couldn’t she laid on the floor, face down crying her little heart out. All because I put her nappy on!

But of course, like every tantrum, it came abruptly to an end when she spotted her dolly.

One thing every parent needs to keep in mind while they watch their child cry and scream over absolutely nothing is that..


And after those little tantrums, they will once again turn back into your little angels where butter wouldn’t melt.. And of course that happens five minutes before dad walks through the door.


dinner time.

Hattie will be 15 months on the 18th and some days she loves dinner time and others she despises it. There really is nothing more enjoyable than seeing Hattie eating and there’s also nothing more infuriating than trying to convince her to eat.

Tonight is one of those nights that she is despising dinner time. She normally loves fish pie but tonight it’s like I am trying to force her to eat warmed up shit. (Sorry about the bluntness).

I try everything with her. I even put Peppa Pig on my phone for her to watch as a little distraction but when she doesn’t want to eat, nothing will work. So here I am, googling the shit out of “how to make a toddler eat dinner” with the biggest stress headache of all time. Who said parenting was easy? Most definitely not me.

My hat goes off to all other parents going through the same struggle as I am, day in and day out. We could definitely be classed as the modern day super hero right?

Who knew a toddler refusing to eat could stress you out so much. They’re so little and so perfect but so bloody stubborn. So from today onwards I will be following a few steps that my trusty old friend Google gave me and jotting down the results and then writing a blog post in the hope that if the tips help me then they can also help other parents who like me either need a giant glass of wine or a giant pillow to scream into. I am choosing the wine.