Sunshine, swimming pools and suntan lotion.

I once again have left my blog alone for a month. This time it has nothing to with my ‘feeling lost’ as right now, I have left my drama queen Alta ego alone. This long break has been because the sunshine has finally found South Wales. I have been no where near my laptop to be able to write any blog posts as my 18 month old has most definitely kept me on my toes.

In the last few days, we’ve been on many days out and been splashing around the paddling pool like there’s no tomorrow so I can officially say that summer is well and truly in full swing in my house hold.

Hattie has been eating copious amounts of ice cream and ice lollies, has had about 3 outfit changes a day and is still throwing tantrums and refusing to keep her hat on.  She has been dancing to the radio, laughing her head off and has said ‘more mammy’ more times than I can actually count.

My favourite sound to hear is Hattie’s belly laugh. Her chuckle goes on and on until it is rudely interrupted by a fit of hiccups and sometimes ever being sick in her own mouth but my god, seeing her that happy will forever be my favourite thing.

My least favourite sound is when I sit back and rehear all of the typical ‘mum’ things I have said to Hattie through out the day. Recently every time I open my mouth, my mum ends up coming out. I am turning more into her every day which isn’t a bad thing but my god, come on!

If I ever meet up with friends and take Hattie with me, I can see their eyes rolling into the back of their heads as while they are trying to tell me a story which would usually take them five minutes to tell, it is now thirty minutes down and I am still looking over their heads, ignoring everything they say while shouting – ‘Hattie, put that down!’ ‘Hattie, don’t touch that!’ ‘Hattie, come here and stop playing up!’ – I then turn back to my friend who has once again stopped talking and say ‘sorry, I didn’t hear you, what did you say?’ all that while once again ignoring everything they say while watching everything my now curious and adventurous daughter is doing. I am honestly still not good with multitasking and I don’t think I’ve listened to word people has said since Hattie started walking at nine months old.

The fact that once again I’ve gone off on one and started talking about something completely off topic shows that I do need to keep this blogging more frequently and stop taking such long breaks because many people reading this has probably gotten bored and gone on to something else but to the people who are still with me, comment below to collect your reward for actually taking time out of your day to listen to a mum ramble on about absolute rubbish!

Anyways, Hattie has awoken from her slumber and the sun is calling her name once again, see ya soon…. hopefully!

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Is there such a thing as bloggers block?

I haven’t wrote on my blog for about a month now and believe me, it hasn’t been because I’ve been SO busy with my fantastic social life, its been because I’ve honestly felt like I’ve got nothing worth writing about. For the first time in my life, I, Amber O’Brien has honestly nothing to say.

I feel like I’ve lost my confidence, lost my ‘mojo.’

And being quite honest with you all, I feel like right now, I’ve also lost myself.

I am sat here, in the dark listening to my 18 month old snore away and I feel like I’ve lost who I was and I’m not on about the person I was before I had Hattie, I mean the person I was not only a measly few months ago. Is that normal?

The only way I can describe this dramatic feeling of being lost is that I’ve grown all of a sudden, I have shed my old life like a lizard sheds his skin but I am yet to find what the new me likes, dislikes or what is actually interesting or quirky enough about myself to keep people reading my blog. My only true way to vent and brag about my wonderful life.

The only thing I do know with great confidence is that I am a damn good mum. I have the absolute amazing daughter who is my little shadow. I couldn’t live without my mini ray of sunshine. I think that’s why I have somehow lost myself. I am too busy being ‘mammy’ that I’ve actually forgot how to be Amber.

Please tell me I am not the only one who goes through this type of thing?!

You see all these other mums that have friends with babies, that makes muffins and their child is sleeping by 7pm, eats every meal without having to be tempted by Peppa pig on the IPhone and you think to yourself, damn, I’m lucky if my daughter isn’t running around butt naked at midday and is in bed before 10pm. I mean, what is free time anyways? They just portray that they have all their shit sorted. They know what they’re doing with their lives and they are forever being productive.

I feel like my free time is in front of me and I’m running my arse off to get it and every time I nearly grab it, I get jolted back suddenly and poof, its gone.

What is a mum to do?!

 

 

 

10 reasons your big sister will always be your best friend:

  1. Friends will always come and go out of your life but no one will ever truly stand by your decisions and mistakes like your sister. Taking back a cheating boyfriend – she may not agree with it but damn, she won’t stop talking to you because of it.
  2. No one will ever understand you or your life like her. You annoy the hell out of her by the constant questions and the stealing of essays. Believe me, you think sitting your GCSE’s were hard, imagine being her, she had to sit them twice – once when she was in year 10 and then the second time when you were in year 10. She knows you and your life better than she knows her own.
  3. She is your mother and father all rolled into one – she has your fathers wisdom and your mothers comforting hug but the best bit is, you can tell her everything, including the things that would probably get you into trouble if you were to tell your parents.
  4. She’s the first born which automatically makes her the experiment, so anything you’re going through, you can bet that she’s been through too. Although you have definitely gotten away with a lot more than her, not only because she was the tester child when it came to boundaries but also because you have her fighting your corner and arguing with your parents when you’ve already stormed off upstairs.
  5. She’ll always let you borrow anything out of her wardrobe because you can bet that while you’re rummaging through hers, she’s doing the exact same to yours. Also she’ll always forgive you when you give her back her clothes with stains on them or completely broke. Like when you wore her leather jacket to school and ripped it on a chair (sorry about that!). She won’t even get that mad because she loves you.
  6. You will never truly feel as comfortable around your friends like you do with your sister. You have no boundaries around your sister like you do with friends. I mean, what is personal space when it comes to sisterly love? Fancy a chat whilst one is in the shower? Go for it! You unlock that door and sit on the toilet and tell your sister all about your day.
  7. She is the one person who will always give you her last. The top you both love, of course she says it’ll look better on you than her, she’ll even sometimes buy it for you. She will always put you first, even if you don’t realise it.
  8. She has been with you through every step of your journey, even before you can remember. She has slapped kids in the street for picking on you, she has protected you from more things than you’ll ever know and she’s given you the best memories and the worst arguments. She even went to school a week after having her tonsils out, when she could barely eat because it was your first day in the comprehensive school.
  9. She will always be your cheerleader and she will always fight your corner. Whatever you do in your life, she is the one person who will always be proud of you. She will always make sure you know that she loves you and that she’d follow you to the ends of the earth to make sure you’re okay.
  10. She is your second mother and although that can sometimes be a right pain in the arse, you know that she will always love you unconditionally. She’d never hurt you and she’ll will personally try her hardest to make sure that you’re happy and safe in everything that you do.

Jasmine, I love you. For everything you do for me and for being my best friend. With you by my side, I know I can get through whatever life throws at me, with a grin on my face and a laugh that’s about to erupt. You’re the funniest person I know and I may not say it often enough but I wouldn’t be the person I am today, the mother I am today, if it wasn’t for you. Thank you for being the best big sister I could ever wish for.

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Screaming hell.

Who knew someone so small and so angelic looking could have lungs the size of two football pitches?!

hattie sleeping

Well the last few days, this sleeping beauty has learnt something new. Something that may haunt me in my sleep and what I’ll hear even when she’s not with me.

Hattie has learnt to scream. Screaming when she’s happy, screaming when she’s sad, screaming when she’s frustrated and even screaming in her sleep.

Screaming, screaming, screaming!

Along with her screaming she’s turned into a right sassy little girl with the most stubborn attitude. Terrible two’s they say? Bet they have nothing on what my 17 month old is putting me through. Old before her time I suppose.

My hat goes off to every other parent who’s sat on the settee, exhausted from a day full of rows, entertaining and forcing naps on toddlers who will point blank refuse anything that’s not chocolate.

 

The good, the bad, the ugly..

No one really tells you, the newly pregnant woman with the great glow, anything about what its truly like to have a little human enter your life and turn it completely upside down. Don’t get me wrong, EVERYONE loves telling you about how much pain they were in during labour, how long their labour lasted and how many stitches they needed to receive after their little one came into the world without forgetting one little detail but no one ever really gets to the nitty gritty of being a mother or father.

As naïve as it sounds, I honestly thought that my life wouldn’t really change that much. I just thought that I’d have the same lifestyle, same free time and same old routine as I had when I was any other 20 year old but with the added bonus of having a mini me. And then after 3 days of slow labour and 8+ hours of active labour, there she was. And she wasn’t even my mini me, she was her fathers! My life has most definitely never been the same since. I have never been this happy, this stressed, this worried and sometimes, so mentally and physically drained in all my life.

Some days are harder than others. Some days you’ll need to call for some backup and as soon as they come, you just need to leg it up the stairs to hide under the duvet for a few minutes and then other days are the best days of your life. Many days you’ll need to lower the bar of what you think is doing a good job. Maybe you doing a good job is only saying ‘fuck’ in your head around twenty times instead of a hundred or that you actually managed to get yourself and your child dressed before 12pm and other times it can be that you’ve actually managed to go to the park and clean the house with only having to watch one hour of Peppa Pig that day.

Hattie may read this back and think ‘damn, you took my first few years for granted’ and many of you may be reading this and thinking exactly the same but believe me when I say that I have not taken any of this amazing adventure for granted. I have loved every single day even if some days I do end up in tears and in need of a massive alcoholic beverage. The amazing thing about children is one minute their having a tantrum because you’ve tried to stop them from eating some old food they somehow found from under the sofa or because you told them not to stick their finger in the plug socket but then in the next instance they are cuddling you and kissing you and running around shouting mama with the proudest of looks on their face. They’re incredibly unpredictable and sometimes that’s a haunting thing and other times, its the most amazing thing.

What really needs to be said about having children is that some days you do end up reminiscing about the past more than other days and some nights when you’re begging your child to go back to sleep that having a little cry from being overtired is all bloody normal.

Everything you’re more than likely doing is all bloody normal. Your emotions are to hell. You have someone who you love more than you could ever imagine but sometimes they can push you so far that you do need to hold your hands up, admit that its hard to do it all on your own, have some help and take a good damn rest.

Mothers may be the new modern day superhero but come on, don’t even superhero’s need days off?

A letter to…

To the mum who’s leaving your two year old child have a tantrum in the supermarket while you carry on shopping, I applaud you. You’re wonder woman! I know what ‘huffs’ and rolling eyes can make you feel insecure in your parenting skills. I know that snide remarks can make you feel worthless and useless. You’re doing a great job!

To the mum who’s dancing and singing in the park with your children, I applaud you. You know exactly what matters in the world and who matters. You know that your children’s smiles make your world rotate that little bit easier and the comments and laughter of passers-by are not importing in your or your children’s lives. You’re showing your children how to act throughout their lives and that’s a great thing!

To the young mum breastfeeding in the café without a care in the world, I applaud you. Too many people care about the stigma of breastfeeding and everyday when you breastfeed your darling in public, you’re helping other mothers get the courage. You’re a wonderful woman who is only providing a lovely meal for their young. You’re proving every look and every snotty person wrong when you sit there breastfeeding.

Now to all the others who are spending their days judging mothers and their actions. You’ve either never had children or don’t remember having young children but its hard work. Yes, maybe the quiet carriage of the train isn’t so quiet as the 6 month old baby who is teething has just woken and is in agony but please don’t sigh loudly, give looks and make comments to the mum who’s been dealing with this all day and probably all night. Yes you’re tired from work but you get to go home, have a bath, a hot meal and sleep all night but the mother looking back at you probably isn’t so lucky, She’ll be comforting a crying baby most of the night and when the baby finally goes to sleep, that’s when she’s cleaning the house, having some food and finally getting some sleep herself.

Parenting is hard and its made even harder with others judging. You never feel like you’re doing the right thing, you’ve had no previous training and really, you’re just winging it! But take it from me, who’s a first time mum with a new mind set – Fuck them! It makes being a mum that much easier.

 

Tantrums..

Hattie will be 16 months old this month so her tantrums have only just begun and already I can feel myself dreading the horrendous tantrums that are on their way.

Right now, she’ll scream and cry over absolutely everything! But all of the tantrums start with a simple two letter word that sends my good girl into a red ball of fury and that word is the dreaded “NO!”

Its her worst word to hear but recently her favourite to say. She replies to anything with a no and then a shrug of her shoulders. My girl has far too much sass for her own good. She’s got the funniest attitude and the worst patience so of course she has about 30 plus tantrums daily with that mix of personality. Its safe to say she always keeps me on my toes.

I started off by showing her attention while she had a tantrum, trying to calm her and help her through it but now, as it happens daily, I leave her have a little cry and scream and then when she’s calmed down I’ll ask for a kiss and off she pops, happy as Larry pushing new boundaries that I will once again have to tell her that’s wrong.

Today she had the biggest tantrum yet. I was the worst mum by making sure her little booty is covered by the dreaded nappy. She screamed, pulled my hair all the while I was struggling with this bloody nappy! Once it was on, she sat on the floor, sobbing, trying to pull her nappy off and when she couldn’t she laid on the floor, face down crying her little heart out. All because I put her nappy on!

But of course, like every tantrum, it came abruptly to an end when she spotted her dolly.

One thing every parent needs to keep in mind while they watch their child cry and scream over absolutely nothing is that..

EVERY TANTRUM COMES TO AN END!

And after those little tantrums, they will once again turn back into your little angels where butter wouldn’t melt.. And of course that happens five minutes before dad walks through the door.