Poorly Hattie, tired mammy

So lets face it, after having three sleepless nights, a grizzly baby, trips to the doctors and sick in my hair and Hattie’s hair, I think I can officially say parenting is bloody hard and sometimes complete bullshit!

There is absolutely nothing worse or more worrying than your child being unwell. Hattie has had her second viral infection in the last month and this time it has completely knocked her socks off. She’s struggling keeping her temperature down, she’s not eating, she’s lethargic, she’s having coughing fits which results to vomit absolutely everywhere (and I mean EVERYWHERE!!)

I was stood by the sick little less than half hour ago washing excess sick off Hattie’s bed sheets, pillow, pyjamas then putting them on a boil wash, then cleaning the sick off the carpet and bathroom floor and then literally spraying the shit out of a Febreze can to try and stop the smell of sick taking over the house.

Luckily though Hattie woke up, threw up everywhere, had a little cry and is now comfortably sleeping right next to me in bed, whereas I on the other hand is sat in bed, wide awake with fear in case Hattie is sick again and chokes on it – this is exactly what goes through every mothers mind!! The big light is on and I am not going to sleep until I know for a fact that Hattie is safe and well out of the “spewing everywhere” phase.

I mean who said parenthood wasn’t glamorous? Because I may be buzzing of sick with greasy and sick infested hair and black circles around my eyes but I am pretty much owning it!

 

Something for myself –

For the past two years I’ve only been a mum. I know it sounds so bad – ‘only been a mum’ but I have and I have loved every minute of it but one thing my life has lacked and one thing I promised myself on New Years was that I would find something to do for myself. May it be a hobby, a course of some kind or even bloody bingo on a Tuesday night. Whatever it is, I promised myself I would find it and I would do it.

Although I have been wanting to attend bingo with some friends for a while now, (I am 22 not 82, believe me.) I haven’t had the chance but I have found something that I absolutely love and its something for myself. I have officially started a night course in my local college. Its every Monday for a couple of hours where I am out of the house, learning something new and interacting with new people.

I am studying Theatrical and Media Makeup and I am loving it! I feel like this is something I want to learn more of, something I want to wrap myself around, something I want to do well in. I’ve only been to three classes at the moment and I’ve only learnt bruising and scars but it is incredible. I find myself searching tutorials online, watching horrors just to see the makeup and wanting to go somewhere with this.

I will always be a mum first and foremost. Nothing will come close to my darling Hattie but I am still 22, I still want to learn new things and experience life. I am so thankful for my life that I don’t want to miss out on anything! I want to wake up and take in every beautiful thing, I want to breathe in life, I want to live!

I am going to make a career doing something I love and I honestly hope this is it! I hope I get to make a living out of this. I have so many plans on what I want to do after this course that I am so excited.

I know that no matter what happens, Hattie is going to grow up incredibly proud of me, I am her mother, I am incredibly proud of my mother in whatever she does but I do want Hattie to know that I am doing something I love and that no matter happens in her life, she can too.

Good people bring up even better children. I want Hattie to grow up loving the life she lives and if she doesn’t love it, I want her to be brave enough to change whatever she needs to change.

My  daughter is my life so I am going to make damn sure her life will always be brilliant.

Sunshine, swimming pools and suntan lotion.

I once again have left my blog alone for a month. This time it has nothing to with my ‘feeling lost’ as right now, I have left my drama queen Alta ego alone. This long break has been because the sunshine has finally found South Wales. I have been no where near my laptop to be able to write any blog posts as my 18 month old has most definitely kept me on my toes.

In the last few days, we’ve been on many days out and been splashing around the paddling pool like there’s no tomorrow so I can officially say that summer is well and truly in full swing in my house hold.

Hattie has been eating copious amounts of ice cream and ice lollies, has had about 3 outfit changes a day and is still throwing tantrums and refusing to keep her hat on.  She has been dancing to the radio, laughing her head off and has said ‘more mammy’ more times than I can actually count.

My favourite sound to hear is Hattie’s belly laugh. Her chuckle goes on and on until it is rudely interrupted by a fit of hiccups and sometimes ever being sick in her own mouth but my god, seeing her that happy will forever be my favourite thing.

My least favourite sound is when I sit back and rehear all of the typical ‘mum’ things I have said to Hattie through out the day. Recently every time I open my mouth, my mum ends up coming out. I am turning more into her every day which isn’t a bad thing but my god, come on!

If I ever meet up with friends and take Hattie with me, I can see their eyes rolling into the back of their heads as while they are trying to tell me a story which would usually take them five minutes to tell, it is now thirty minutes down and I am still looking over their heads, ignoring everything they say while shouting – ‘Hattie, put that down!’ ‘Hattie, don’t touch that!’ ‘Hattie, come here and stop playing up!’ – I then turn back to my friend who has once again stopped talking and say ‘sorry, I didn’t hear you, what did you say?’ all that while once again ignoring everything they say while watching everything my now curious and adventurous daughter is doing. I am honestly still not good with multitasking and I don’t think I’ve listened to word people has said since Hattie started walking at nine months old.

The fact that once again I’ve gone off on one and started talking about something completely off topic shows that I do need to keep this blogging more frequently and stop taking such long breaks because many people reading this has probably gotten bored and gone on to something else but to the people who are still with me, comment below to collect your reward for actually taking time out of your day to listen to a mum ramble on about absolute rubbish!

Anyways, Hattie has awoken from her slumber and the sun is calling her name once again, see ya soon…. hopefully!