Poorly Hattie, tired mammy

So lets face it, after having three sleepless nights, a grizzly baby, trips to the doctors and sick in my hair and Hattie’s hair, I think I can officially say parenting is bloody hard and sometimes complete bullshit!

There is absolutely nothing worse or more worrying than your child being unwell. Hattie has had her second viral infection in the last month and this time it has completely knocked her socks off. She’s struggling keeping her temperature down, she’s not eating, she’s lethargic, she’s having coughing fits which results to vomit absolutely everywhere (and I mean EVERYWHERE!!)

I was stood by the sick little less than half hour ago washing excess sick off Hattie’s bed sheets, pillow, pyjamas then putting them on a boil wash, then cleaning the sick off the carpet and bathroom floor and then literally spraying the shit out of a Febreze can to try and stop the smell of sick taking over the house.

Luckily though Hattie woke up, threw up everywhere, had a little cry and is now comfortably sleeping right next to me in bed, whereas I on the other hand is sat in bed, wide awake with fear in case Hattie is sick again and chokes on it – this is exactly what goes through every mothers mind!! The big light is on and I am not going to sleep until I know for a fact that Hattie is safe and well out of the “spewing everywhere” phase.

I mean who said parenthood wasn’t glamorous? Because I may be buzzing of sick with greasy and sick infested hair and black circles around my eyes but I am pretty much owning it!

 

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Something for myself –

For the past two years I’ve only been a mum. I know it sounds so bad – ‘only been a mum’ but I have and I have loved every minute of it but one thing my life has lacked and one thing I promised myself on New Years was that I would find something to do for myself. May it be a hobby, a course of some kind or even bloody bingo on a Tuesday night. Whatever it is, I promised myself I would find it and I would do it.

Although I have been wanting to attend bingo with some friends for a while now, (I am 22 not 82, believe me.) I haven’t had the chance but I have found something that I absolutely love and its something for myself. I have officially started a night course in my local college. Its every Monday for a couple of hours where I am out of the house, learning something new and interacting with new people.

I am studying Theatrical and Media Makeup and I am loving it! I feel like this is something I want to learn more of, something I want to wrap myself around, something I want to do well in. I’ve only been to three classes at the moment and I’ve only learnt bruising and scars but it is incredible. I find myself searching tutorials online, watching horrors just to see the makeup and wanting to go somewhere with this.

I will always be a mum first and foremost. Nothing will come close to my darling Hattie but I am still 22, I still want to learn new things and experience life. I am so thankful for my life that I don’t want to miss out on anything! I want to wake up and take in every beautiful thing, I want to breathe in life, I want to live!

I am going to make a career doing something I love and I honestly hope this is it! I hope I get to make a living out of this. I have so many plans on what I want to do after this course that I am so excited.

I know that no matter what happens, Hattie is going to grow up incredibly proud of me, I am her mother, I am incredibly proud of my mother in whatever she does but I do want Hattie to know that I am doing something I love and that no matter happens in her life, she can too.

Good people bring up even better children. I want Hattie to grow up loving the life she lives and if she doesn’t love it, I want her to be brave enough to change whatever she needs to change.

My  daughter is my life so I am going to make damn sure her life will always be brilliant.

Holiday shopping.

There are good and bad sides to going on holiday at the end of September and they are that your tan will last a little longer through Autumn and sometimes even Winter, summer clothes are always on sale which is perfect for holiday shopping and that when everyone is feeling depressed about being home in rainy old Wales, you’re still counting down the days to your blissful 10 days in the sunshine. Which will consist of drinking cocktails, eating whatever you want and spending time as a family, playing and just enjoying each others company instead of pissing each other off with the day to day mundane moanings of life.

The bad side is that even though all of your usual shops are still very much packed with sale summer clothes, your daughters shops aren’t. So here I am, on a Wednesday night, panicking and searching for any type of summer clothes online that are your daughters size, not too thick for the Tenerife sun and are a little dressy. There are plenty of shorts and tshirts left but do you think I can find summer dresses and little jumpsuits?! No, of course not!

Nothing is ever as simple as it used to be before I had a child but I think that’s more to do with me than it is with Hattie. I mean what is so good with being organised? Because I’m 22 and Hattie is nearly 2 and I still cant get my head around not doing everything last minute. Last minute mother right here!

2nd of August – Hattie’s two year check

I’ve been thinking for a while that I’ve needed to touch base a little and give my blog some much needed TLC but I have been so busy and so bloody stressed that I haven’t been able to just sit down and write but seeing as yesterday was such an amazing and monumental day in my life I thought that I’d make time and just document what happened in Hattie’s two year check.

Hattie has always been very forward in her little ways, the day she was born she was trying to lift her head and have a little nose around and she was walking by nine months, so I have had no concerns or worries about the way Hattie was growing or her behaviour.

The health visitor came and what should of been a 30 minute session only took 15 minutes. She couldn’t get over how forward Hattie was. Hattie built blocks, did a jigsaw puzzle, recognised which colours went where and named a few which left the health visitor in a little daze of how brilliant Hattie is! Hattie recognised the big and little spoon, pointed out the eyes, nose, mouth and tail on the cat and could say which little boy had shoes on and which didn’t. I was giggling so much because if I didn’t laugh, I was going to cry my eyes out. I am always proud of Hattie but seeing her do everything she was meant to with such ease made me feel like I am actually doing something right.

The health visitor then asked a few questions and wrote in her notes but before she left she asked me if Hattie is in nursery which I replied with a no. The health visitor was so shocked because she said she only sees children that advanced when they’ve been in a nursery from a young age.

The health visitor not only sung Hattie’s praises but also my own. She said that I was doing an amazing job and that everything I am doing with Hattie is spot on and that Hattie being so forward is all down to me and how I interact with her and play with her.

Some times all you need is a professional to say you’re doing a good job for all the silly little worries to disappear. I am a bloody good mother and yesterday, Hattie proved it!

So it looks like I am doing a great job… Next step, potty training!

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Wish us luck!!!!

4:30am – “morning mammy”

Hattie normally isn’t one for early mornings, never has been. The earliest she has ever woken up I think is at 7, unless she is teething or unwell. So when my head started ringing with her cries and my eyes would hardly stay open, I knew my poor little baby was feeling a little under the weather. So we spent this morning eating ham sandwiches in bed and watching Tangled at half past four.

Come 6am that just wasn’t good enough, Hattie attempted to sleep but couldn’t as she was in too much pain. She was in so much pain that even her toes were curling. So off we went downstairs with a big blanket and CBeebies in the hope of that relaxing her.

Come 7am and that still wasn’t helping. Hattie searched the house for her nanny and bampie who are in Edinburgh and then went on to search for her auntie Mi Mi, who to her dismay was getting ready for work. So we curled up in auntie Mi Mi’s bed and watched tiny pop while my wonderful sister made us a delicious picnic, just in case Hattie didn’t fancy venturing downstairs today.

Come 8:30, a pack of Wotsits and a few Jaffa cakes later and Hattie is finally asleep. I tidy up a little bit, make sure Hattie is comfy and within half hour of dropping off, up wakes Hattie with the biggest smile on her face and the sloppiest kiss on mine.

And that’s when my tiredness just disappeared. It all just vanished as soon as her sparkly whites were showing and the corner of her lips were nearly touching her eyes – mammy duties can be hard work, it can drain every inch of emotion from you but this morning was one of my favourite mornings. A morning that was filled with cuddles, picnics, films and even a few smiles even though Hattie was definitely not right.

People just assume being a full time mother is a piece of cake. That all you do is play, watch tv and do sod all everyday but honestly, its hard. Its real damn hard! You not only have to take care of yourself but you have to take care of another human being that would be totally lost without you. When you’re a full time parent you have the worlds strictest boss, with the longest hours and hardly any breaks, unless you call filling and emptying the washing machine a thousand times a day a break – which believe me, I don’t as Miss Hattie is standing right next to me, making sure I do everything right. I mean imagine having your boss following you around everywhere? Even when you need to use the toilet.

Its the hardest job in the world, some days it really pushes me to my limits but its so rewarding and lovely. My Hattie is so loving, happy and content and I know that most of that is my doing and I couldn’t be more proud of Hattie and myself.

Jam sandwiches and Peppa Pig.

The last couple of nights, all Hattie has wanted to eat for dinner is jam sandwiches whilst sat naked on the sofa watching Peppa pig. The sun has most definitely taken it out of her and she is teething so much that her t-shirt is forever soaked and her cheeks are always the perfect shade of pink.

I have struggled for a few days getting her to eat and finally, she eats something! Not what I’d hope for her to eat for dinner but as long as there is something in her little tummy then I honestly do not mind – what else can a mam do?!

Like I have said a few times that I have only found out since becoming a mum is that most days your definition of a good day changes dramatically with how your toddler wakes up in the morning. Some days your bar of what is a good day is raised so high because your child has woken up in a great mood and will actually let you sweep and hoover all in one day without shouting no about a million times because as soon as there’s a perfectly swept pile of crap in the corner, she’s off, running into it and making you have to sweep all over again and others, you’re lucky enough to get her dressed and eat anything other than jam sandwiches.

Never judge your parenting or anyone else’s for that matter because you don’t know what they have had to put up with all day or even all week. You don’t know how much sleep they’ve been able to have or how many times they have had to leave their child kicking and screaming on the floor because they don’t want the food that they apparently loved a few days ago.

Parenting isn’t easy and its forever changing. You’re all doing an amazing job and you know what? So am I! This post is just to say moan as much as you brag. Show other parents that its all normal to have bad days as much as it good days. Its normal to be wishing on bed time from the minute they open their little eyes. Don’t ever feel disheartened of sad because on some days you do need a break. You do need help!

Its all fucking normal!

Sunshine, swimming pools and suntan lotion.

I once again have left my blog alone for a month. This time it has nothing to with my ‘feeling lost’ as right now, I have left my drama queen Alta ego alone. This long break has been because the sunshine has finally found South Wales. I have been no where near my laptop to be able to write any blog posts as my 18 month old has most definitely kept me on my toes.

In the last few days, we’ve been on many days out and been splashing around the paddling pool like there’s no tomorrow so I can officially say that summer is well and truly in full swing in my house hold.

Hattie has been eating copious amounts of ice cream and ice lollies, has had about 3 outfit changes a day and is still throwing tantrums and refusing to keep her hat on.  She has been dancing to the radio, laughing her head off and has said ‘more mammy’ more times than I can actually count.

My favourite sound to hear is Hattie’s belly laugh. Her chuckle goes on and on until it is rudely interrupted by a fit of hiccups and sometimes ever being sick in her own mouth but my god, seeing her that happy will forever be my favourite thing.

My least favourite sound is when I sit back and rehear all of the typical ‘mum’ things I have said to Hattie through out the day. Recently every time I open my mouth, my mum ends up coming out. I am turning more into her every day which isn’t a bad thing but my god, come on!

If I ever meet up with friends and take Hattie with me, I can see their eyes rolling into the back of their heads as while they are trying to tell me a story which would usually take them five minutes to tell, it is now thirty minutes down and I am still looking over their heads, ignoring everything they say while shouting – ‘Hattie, put that down!’ ‘Hattie, don’t touch that!’ ‘Hattie, come here and stop playing up!’ – I then turn back to my friend who has once again stopped talking and say ‘sorry, I didn’t hear you, what did you say?’ all that while once again ignoring everything they say while watching everything my now curious and adventurous daughter is doing. I am honestly still not good with multitasking and I don’t think I’ve listened to word people has said since Hattie started walking at nine months old.

The fact that once again I’ve gone off on one and started talking about something completely off topic shows that I do need to keep this blogging more frequently and stop taking such long breaks because many people reading this has probably gotten bored and gone on to something else but to the people who are still with me, comment below to collect your reward for actually taking time out of your day to listen to a mum ramble on about absolute rubbish!

Anyways, Hattie has awoken from her slumber and the sun is calling her name once again, see ya soon…. hopefully!